My Life In South Carolina

So, I had Thanksgiving lunch with some of my in-laws just like every year. It was the usual turkey, dressing, and conversation about who had spent the most money since last thanksgiving and why. Yes, its a regular brag-a-thon with that set of in-laws.

I’m expected to go through it twice a year, Thanksgiving and Christmas usually. This years topics were how much money one set spent remodeling, and the other set bragged about how they bought their two sons vehicles, and one of them isn’t old enough to drive, but he’s a good kid so they thought it was only fair. WTF?

Who in the hell buys a kid a new car who can’t drive it for two years? I don’t care if he’s a good kid or not. What if he goes and runs amuck? You know, like teenagers do sometimes.

This got me to thinking about my first car. It was a $500 1976 Chevy Nova with bald tires and a bald spare to match, but what really set it off was the dent in the rear quarter panel. I was glad to have it! Hell, when I got my license I’d drove a tractor if I’d had to, you know? I didn’t care I was mobile and it was a car. It only lasted about six months. I guess the old girl had seen her better days, one day it said to hell with it and just quit.

My second car was a1980 Volkswagon rabbit. (no dents and decent tires) It actually burnt up in the parking lot of my high school one morning just as I arrived. Seeing an opportunity, I used this incident to my advantage for missing school that day. My nerves were shot, I had a near death experience for Pete’s sake. I caught hell about that from my friends for months after. I’m not sure but It may have been the faulty radio installation I hurried through the weekend before, so I could have some tunes as quickly as possible. I never admitted that until now and will revert to my original story if my Dad reads this.

The last car purchased for me by my father was a baby blue 1980 Chevrolet Chevette and I was pimping! I bought a new Sparkomatic radio/cassette player and speakers. This time though I installed them in what we like to refer to as the “correct way.” I cranked the Ozzy and was mobile again. Now that I think about it, I don’t think anything could be more redneck than a teenager blasting Ozzy from a Chevette. I could be wrong though.

You see, I was humbled by my vehicles growing up, and I didn’t own my first “new” vehicle until 2003. I mean, I had cars in between the Chevette and my new truck. Just so you know, I didn’t drive the ‘80 Chevette until 2003, it wasn’t that good of a car.

I looking forward to the Christmas lunch this year, and what the blowhards will have to say. I guess I’ll find out then that the remodeling set bought a helicopter or a house midget.

I could’ve swore I heard my nine year old son singing “All Out Of Love” by Air Supply while walking through the house last night.

I find that more than mildly disturbing. Where in the holy hell did he even hear that song?

I let it go, I didn’t want him to think it was wrong, you know how kids are he would’ve ask for the Air Supply box set or something for Christmas if I did, and knowing his Nana, she’d break down and buy it for him not knowing that listening to Air Supply will make a guy extremely gay. Nana’s just don’t know things like that.

Speaking of Christmas he wants a Xbox 360 this year, and I can’t talk him out of it. I want a Playstation 3 Dammit! Why can’t he understand that?

I’m not all excited about the coming holiday season. All the running around and commotion it causes makes my sphincter pucker.

Today at work we had a customer from Israel visit us. I think he may have had some issues with paperwork from our export department, but who knows? He was here all of two hours and was out the door to catch a plane back to Israel. WTF? Could he have not just phoned us? I don’t understand it, I really don’t.

The reason I’m telling you this is because in this small town, I’m sure ninety-nine percent of people have never seen a Jewish person wearing a yamika, and as soon as he left the phones in all offices lit up with questions about his “little round hat.” Most started with “what the hell was he wearing on his head?” Was it a dollie? Why was it there? Who can explain it?

I just find it funny that people here have no idea or care about life outside of this small town. That’s just the way we are down here.

I’ll stop today with this. If you haven’t been there yet, make sure you visit People of Wal-Mart. The greatest pictures ever taken of  Wal-Martians can be found there. Here’s the link to my all time favorite.

I have a question.

Does anyone use the word “yep” anymore? I find I use it sometimes while texting someone, but that’s it. I never use it in everyday language.

I don’t think I know anyone that does either and I find that strange because I live in the south. We tend to shorten everyday language down here on a regular basis.

I just checked dictionary.com the origin of “yep dates to around 1830-40, and it means “yes.” in case you were wondering. It also list “yup” as an alternative if “yep” is not your thing. I’m willing to bet my life that I’ve never said “yup.”

Another thing “Yep” just looks better when written out. I’m just sayin’, that’s all

Something else that people do that really grinds my gears is that person who while you’re explaining something, or telling a story their head continuously nods and they say “right” after every sentence.

I always wanna poke them in the eye and say “Jeez dude, if you heard this one before, stop me! Though, I really don’t think you have because it just happened to me a few minutes ago, and I was the only one there.”

Oh, and they’ve shown up in classes that I’ve attended for my job. While the instructor is you know, instructing. There they are, nodding their heads the like a bobble head dog the whole time like the know the lecture by heart.

So, to all you head bobbers out there, remember you get on peoples nerves with your know it all attitudes. God, I hate you

Last night I mentioned I was watching “The Day the Earth Stood Still” and I’d give my opinion. I also said that I didn’t think it would break three on a scale of ten. I was right it was more like a two. Do yourself a favor and don’t waste your time.